Just the Tips – Archer

Just the Tips with Tony Morrison
Tony Morrison is an Emmy and GLAAD Award-earning journalist and creator. As GLAAD’s Senior Director of Communications, he amplifies LGBTQ stories and brings truth to experiences like his for people living with undetectable HIV.

It goes without saying that HIV/AIDS has been the most impactful health crisis the LGBTQ community has ever faced. It’s reported that over 100,000 people died of AIDS in the U.S. between 1981 and 1990. As a community, we lost an entire generation. While deaths have slowed as a result of advanced treatment of HIV and HIV prevention, the World Health Organization reports that over 39 million people are currently living with HIV around the world.

The damage it has done goes beyond the loss of life, particularly in terms of the undeniable stigmatizing of relationships and interactions among gay men. But as monstrous as the HIV virus and the shadow it casts over our community is, overcoming the stigma does happen and it starts with education. So here we are with the basics on HIV and AIDS.

Tip 1: Understand what HIV is

HIV stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus. It weakens a person’s immune system by destroying important cells that fight disease and infection. There is currently no effective cure for HIV. But with proper medical care, HIV can be controlled. Some groups of people in the United States are more likely to get HIV than others because of many factors, including their sex partners and risk behaviors.

Only if untreated does HIV manifest into AIDS: Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome. And while AIDS is the most severe stage of HIV, someone cannot have both HIV and AIDS at the same time.

Tip 2: Know how HIV is spread and its symptoms

While HIV and AIDS have historically and disproportionately impacted the LGBTQ community, HIV does not discriminate. Although men who have sex with other men account for a majority of new HIV diagnoses in the U.S., CDC data shows that 22% of people who acquire HIV do so through heterosexual contact.

Tip 3: Explore HIV prevention methods

People with more than one sex partner, those who are sexually active gay and bisexual men, people with other sexually transmitted diseases, and people who inject drugs have the highest risk of contracting HIV. While a variety of factors play into your own individual risk, it’s important to know the basics:
- Use a condom
- You can’t transmit HIV through sexual activities that don’t involve contact with body fluids (semen, vaginal fluid, or blood).
- Talk to your doctor about getting on PrEP
- Get tested and treated for other sexually-transmitted infections
- Never share needles, syringes or other drug injection equipment
Tip 4: Understand what it means to have sex with someone who is HIV-positive

Undetectable + Untransmittable = Zero Risk. This means that for people diagnosed with HIV, who remain on proper and consistent medication and treatment to keep the HIV virus down to an undetectable level on lab tests, cannot transmit the virus and as a result, carry zero risk of spreading the virus to others.

As long as the person you are having sex with is HIV-positive and undetectable, science tells us that there is zero risk of the virus being passed on to you.

For daters out there living with HIV, getting and keeping an undetectable viral load prevents HIV transmission during sex. There are situations when either partner may want to use additional prevention options. This includes using a condom and taking PrEP. And for all parties involved, test and test often. The CDC recommends every 3-6 months as an ideal frequency.
Just the Tips with Michael Kaye

Michael Kaye is the Director of Brand Marketing & Communications on Archer, and spent 5+ years volunteering with the Human Rights Campaign.

You may be asking, what is internalized homophobia? It’s something many queer people experience, and it’s what happens when LGBTQ people direct the hatred they experience from the sexual majority (straight people) towards themselves. According to The Rainbow Project, internalized homophobia —— can affect gay, lesbian and bisexual people, and even heterosexual people who have been taught that heterosexuality is the norm. Sadly, the effects of internalized homophobia can lead to a variety of mental health issues, with depression and anxiety being chief among them.

When I was growing up, most queer stories were grounded in trauma; the stories detailed losing connections with family and friends, being removed from home, and feeling completely isolated.. As I became aware of my own sexuality I would sometimes think “I hate being gay.” The shame I felt pushed me into denial about my orientation for many years. Because I was denying who I was authentically, though, I experienced a range of mental health challenges, including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and a poor body image.

Fortunately, over the years I found I was not alone—and you aren’t either. It may take longer (or shorter!) for some overcoming internalized homophobia to unpack their feelings, society’s reactions to who they are, and even those of close friends, and that’s okay. As you navigate your experience, here are my tips on how to deal with internalized homophobia that will also help you practice self-love, and get you to a point where you celebrate your sexuality.

Tip 1: Come out when you feel ready.

More people are coming out at younger ages. But everyone is on their own timeline! Deciding when to come out isn’t easy, so spend time listening to your inner self and don’t let outside influences pressure you.

Tip 2: Talk about your experiences and feelings.

I’ve become more comfortable with my community and my part in the community when I’ve discussed it with friends that I trust. Through conversations about the queer community and how we all act differently, and have different interests, I’ve learned about shared experiences that align with my journey.

Tip 3: Find your chosen family.

A wise person once said, go where you are welcomed! The LGBTQ+ community is beautifully diverse and vast—you will find people who love and support you. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there to meet peers in the space because it’s how you’ll find your tribe. Love anime? Drag Race? Gaming? There’s a chosen family waiting for you within the rainbow community.

Tip 4: Break gender norms.

I went to a gay bar for the first time when I was 25 years old, I went to my first drag show when I was 26, and my first Pride Parade when I was 27. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to experience these beautiful, welcoming places because they helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin. If you’re hesitant, take baby steps! Paint your nails. Try out for that volleyball league.

Tip 5: Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

There are many resources available to the LGBTQ+ community. Finding a queer therapist, especially one that focuses on dealing with LGBTQ+ issues, for example, can be a great resource. There are national sites, including the National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network that lists LGBTQ POC therapists, and ways to find local options as well, like Lighthouse in New York City or the Los Angeles LGBT Center. Organizations like Archer’s partner GLAAD, the Human Rights Campaign and The Trevor Project also have robust information and resources available.

Tip 6: Continue to learn more about yourself and your community.

Read and watch queer stories! The Advocate, Out, Queerty and other LGBTQ+ publications cover hot topics and stories affecting the community. You can also volunteer with a nonprofit organization. I spent over five years volunteering with the Human Rights Campaign, and I’ve begun building meaningful connections with other queer people in-person and online, including on Archer. Embracing queer culture has expanded my network and enriched my life.
Just the Tips with Nick Guillory

Nick Guillory is a self-made entrepreneur currently running his own social media agency. He also serves as a social media consultant to the Human Rights Campaign.

Coming out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community is a deeply personal and courageous journey for folks. So having people they trust to support them along the way is vital. I remember coming out to my parents and it being a complete shit show. But I was glad I did it, and I found that it’s essential for the people surrounding you to have a supportive and understanding vibe! It’s especially helpful to have someone in the community to relate to and get guidance from. In honor of National Coming Out Day, I’m sharing tips for friends and family members on how to create a safe and empowering space for your loved ones as they navigate their coming out process.

Tip 1: Show unconditional love and acceptance.

They could be feeling sad or alone, so show them that you value and support them, and their decision to come out. Grab their hand and let them know that everything is going to be alright! Remind them that you will always support their happiness and mental health because the journey can take its toll.

Tip 2: Allow them their space.

Not everyone wants to be bothered. I know for me, I often wanted to be by myself. Everyone’s different, so don’t just assume one way or the other—and feel free to ask! If they ask for space, respect their need for privacy and allow them to share their journey on their terms.

Tip 3: Share your experience.

It can be a real comfort to have someone who’s been there before. When relevant, share your experience and what you learned from it. It can be a useful tool for people when looking for guidance during their coming out journey.

Tip 4: Recognize that everyone’s experience is different.

It’s important to know the difference between sharing your experience and pushing your method. Everyone’s circumstances are different, so recognize that your experience may be different from what they’re going through. If your loved one seeks advice, be sure to let them know that coming out is a unique experience for everyone. Come from a place of encouragement and let them know that it’s okay to explore their own path. We’re all different, at the end of the day.

Tip 5: Educate yourself.

Don’t expect the person to teach you anything. We all have access to a wealth of information. Do the work and learn about the LGBTQ+ community—even if you’re a part of it!—and the terminology, particularly the terminology the person coming out is comfortable with. Take the burden off of them by educating yourself and others.

Tip 6: Connect them with support networks.

It can help to have an outside perspective during the coming out journey. Offer to assist your loved one in finding a community outside of just friends and family where they can connect with others who share similar experiences. Suggest LGBTQ+ support groups or online communities you’ve heard of or have a personal experience with. These spaces can provide valuable support and guidance from individuals who have been through similar challenges.

Tip 7: Celebrate milestones and achievements.

Recognize and celebrate your loved one's milestones, whether it's their first LGBTQ+ event, a new relationship, or even small steps towards self-acceptance. Show your appreciation for their journey and make them feel valued and loved.

Supporting a family member or friend during their coming out process is an invaluable gesture that can make a tremendous difference in their life and journey. By creating a safe, inclusive environment and offering understanding and unconditional support, you can help your loved ones feel seen, accepted, and loved. On this National Coming Out Day—and every day— let’s stand in solidarity and support all those who are taking courageous steps towards living life as their authentic selves.
Just the Tips with Court Vox

Court Vox is a certified sex & intimacy coach based in L.A. He is a member of the World Association of Sex Coaches and founder of The Bodyvox.

Here’s my first hot tip: All gay sex positions bring something new to the party. So let’s party, right?! Trying out the various positions in this guide, within the course of one romp or over time with partners, helps keep things exciting. And switching things up can also help refocus your attention, heightening arousal.

When considering this gay sex position guide, remember that some positions work better with certain body (and cock) types. Since everyone’s anatomy is slightly different, some people’s nerve endings in certain places (internally and externally) will be more receptive than others. Which is even more reason to know a few different positions; if one doesn’t work out so well, you can try something different!

Please keep in mind that consent is what’s most important with all of these recommendations—both people need to be comfortable, and regular check-ins are vital.

With that said, here’s a 12-part gay sex position guide to a few of my favorite positions to have in the back pocket:

Tip 1: Missionary

The bottom lies on his back with his legs spread apart in the air while the penetrative partner lies on top so they are face-to-face. Missionary offers both parties the opportunity to see one another’s face, and connect with eye contact and kissing. This gay missionary position often gets a bad wrap as vanilla or boring, but it is one of the more intimate positions. If intimacy is a challenge for you, try this position and challenge yourself to stay present with your partner.

Tip 2: Doggy-Style

In doggy style, the bottom gets on all fours while the top kneels behind him. Holding onto the bottom’s hips for support, the top enters the bottom from behind. This gay doggy-style position allows for deeper and harder penetration. It allows the top to be more in control, and the bottom to submit.

Tip 3: Cowboy

The penetrator starts by lying on their back, and the receiver sits on top, straddling their body. This is a great gay sex position to start in particularly if the bottom is tight and wants to be more in control.

Tip 4: Squatting Cowboy

This is similar to the cowboy except, instead of kneeling, the bottom plants their feet on the bed or floor and squats on top of their partner’s cock. Having the bottom move up and down really slowly can make a top go crazy, while the bottom is simultaneously pleasuring themselves. Or the top can grab the waist of the bottom and thrust from below. Everybody gets a turn. Win-Win!

Tip 5: Reverse Cowboy

Reverse cowboy puts the bottom in control. In this position, the top sits or lies down, while the bottom straddles him across his lap in a kneeling or squatting position. This is another great way for a bottom to control his prostate stimulation. If you’re a more flexible bottom, change up the position by lying back on top of your partner’s chest, letting them take control and increasing your connection through full body contact.

Tip 6: Spooning

Both partners lie on their sides, the top on the outside as the “big spoon.” The top enters from behind, and the bottom can lift their top leg for easier access. For extra-deep penetration, the top can hook their elbow under the bottom’s elevated knee. Spooning can be incredibly intimate, even if kissing in this position can be more challenging.

Tip 7: Cross-Body Leg

The bottom lies on their back, placing their top leg across their body like they’re doing a lower-back stretch. The top then straddles the lower leg and penetrates. This position makes for incredibly deep penetration, and moving the top leg into various positions can increase sensation for both parties.

Tip 8: Side Missionary

With the bottom on their back lifting both legs, the top slides their body next to them in the big-spoon position, and enters the bottom while holding their legs. Similar to the cross-body leg position, the top can move the bottom’s leg for deeper penetration. Because the top’s cock is entering from the side while the bottom is on their back, though, it offers a different sensation than spooning.

Tip 9: Pancakes

In this gay sex position the bottom lies flat while the top lies directly on top of them with their full bodyweight, bringing the arms of the bottom to their side, and closing their legs. The top wraps their arms and legs around the bottom leaving them immobile. This position is incredibly vulnerable for the bottom and incites the dominance of the top for partners that are mutually looking for that dynamic. The top can also reach around and cover the mouth of the bottom for added submission. The top can also lift their torso off the bottom’s body while placing a hand on the lower back, neck, or shoulder of the bottom, giving a different angle for penetration while continuing to exert dominance.

Tip 10: The Frog

Similar to the gay missionary position, the bottom lies on their back and wraps their legs and arms around the top. The top penetrates the bottom while wrapping their arms around the bottom’s body and holding their cheeks in their hands, resting their face on the bottom’s shoulder. The top can also wrap their arms under the bottom’s armpits and grab their shoulders from behind, creating stronger leverage for thrusting. This gives great access for both parties to hear each other breathing and moaning, while providing full-body contact in a slightly more aggressive fashion than traditional missionary.

Tip 11: Suspended Congress

The top needs to be fairly strong to pull this position off because it involves them picking the bottom up while standing. Facing the top, the bottom wraps their legs around the waist of the top and their hands around their neck. The top holds the cheeks of the bottom in their hands while thrusting from below, all while standing. Pro tip: Use a wall for extra support.

Tip 12: Double Penetration

Double penetration is an exciting endeavor, although can be logistically challenging—the challenge making it all that more exciting for some. In this position, the bottom is penetrated by two men. The top with the larger cock should enter from the bottom. The bottom can lie on top of Top #1, with their back on their chest, the top holding their legs bent at the knees, and entering from here. Top #2 enters the bottom while kneeling or standing. Another option is for the bottom to lie chest to chest, legs straddling Top #1, while Top #2 enters from behind. Truth be told, this position is a novelty and is often not as enjoyable in practice as it is to watch, so make sure everyone has chatted through their limits and what they’re most comfortable with beforehand.
Just the Tips with Lamont White

Lamont White is a certified dating coach and matchmaker for gay and bisexual men in the United States.

If you’re genuinely looking for love and companionship, it requires really putting yourself out there, and getting comfortable with making the first move. I get it, it’s not easy! And I can’t lie, doing so means at some point you will inevitably experience dating rejection—yes, even you, you stud. For some guys, rejection sends them back into hiding and they stop showing their most authentic selves. Don’t let that be you! Below are some helpful insights and tips on managing dating rejection within the gay community—because everyone who’s currently in a successful relationship ran into rejection at one point or another.

Tip 1: If a guy rejects you, he's able to see incompatible qualities between the two of you that you might not be able to see.

Some guys see rejection as a personal deficiency, but it’s really that you have incompatible qualities—and the other person may have just seen them sooner. Do you really want to be with a guy who isn't a good fit for you? So much better not to waste any more dates with someone you won’t end up with. And who knows, you may find that while you’re not compatible romantically, there is opportunity as friends—which brings us to the next point.

Tip 2: Rejection means you two might be better suited as friends.

Most gay men have initially thought a guy was their type and later find out that they are better suited as ‘Good Judies.’ Archer is more than making romantic and casual connections, so you can make great friendships as well. Or even better, ask your new friend to introduce you to one of his cute friends.

Tip 3: On your road to finding Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now, expect rejection.

It’s one of the pieces of dating, and please don’t laugh—experiencing rejection (every now and then) is a good thing. Seriously! It’s part of the journey, and it helps ground you in what you’re really looking for. Plus, it’s a good reminder on how you want to be treated in a rejection that you can keep in mind in the future when you’ll inevitably have to be the one to break the news to someone else.

Tip 4: Allow rejection to help you learn more about yourself and the types of qualities you truly want in a guy.

By allowing rejection to be your dating teacher, you will be a better dater. After being rejected, ask yourself a few questions. How did I feel about myself with him? What did I like or not like about him? Could I see myself building a life together? Did he want you to be someone else?

Tip 5: Don’t let fear of rejection make you doubt yourself and lead you to modify or hide your personal characteristics, because that will give future guys a false sense of you.

Don’t doubt yourself! You have amazing qualities and you never want to dim your light because you think it might shine too bright. If you need to call a friend before your next date to hype you up, do it. Let guys get a chance to meet your authentic self.

Tip 6: Continue to be vulnerable, and feel confident about approaching guys.

Being vulnerable is a good thing because it allows you to share your authentic self. And guys who are looking for a genuine connection value that, and want to meet you. In Authentic Dating Profiles: Who You Really Are, dating app users hope their more attractive qualities will attract and secure the relationship before those they consider less attractive emerge. But if you take this approach and hide certain parts of you, guys will be disappointed later down the road. Practicing being your authentic self and actually approaching guys that you find interesting will increase your odds of finding true compatibility.

Tip 7: Don't allow rejection to make you give up on dating.

Rejection can make guys give up on finding love too easily. Some guys will throw themselves into their careers, go back to school, cut down on their social life, or any combination of those things, just so they don’t feel rejection or heartbreak anymore. It’s fine to take a little break, refocus, chat with a coach, etc—that’s encouraged if you need it. But give yourself a 30-day timeline, and then get back in the dating game. I know rejection can be hard to accept, but the reward on the other side of rejection (acceptance, romance, and love) is worth all of the disappointments, and sometimes tears.
Just the Tips With Zachary Zane

Zachary Zane is a sex and relationship columnist who recently authored Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto.

Threesomes are one of the most common sexual fantasies, but they’re also the most likely to go wrong in practice. Each guy has different expectations for how he thinks the threesome will manifest, and when reality doesn’t match expectations, guys often feel rejected, jealous, angry, or upset. The key to a successful threesome is, as you may suspect, communication. Nothing should come as a surprise during a threesome. Everything should have been talked about and negotiated prior.

Still, even then, unexpected feelings arise. (You may think you know how you will feel when you see the love of your life take another man’s cock, but upon seeing him get dicked-down you feel very differently.) Luckily below, we provide ten tips for your first threesome and share what to say if, in the moment, you decide you’re really not feeling it.

Tip 1: Make sure your partner actually wants to have a threesome.

All too often, one partner feels pressured into having a threesome. He feels like a “prude” for not wanting one, especially if you both live in a large, gay-friendly metropolitan where it feels like every gay couple is in an open relationship. But no one should ever feel guilted into having a threesome. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to—well then, you’re not having a threesome with your boyfriend. Period!

Tip 2: Address your partner’s concerns if he’s on the fence.

If your partner is on the fence about having a threesome, ask him about his reservations. Validate his concerns and then problem-solve. If he’s worried that you’ll get all the attention—make it clear that you will be sure to include him. If he’s worried that you’ll fall for another guy, ask him what he needs to feel loved and supported—and so on. I’d also clarify that he (and you) can stop the threesome at any time if either of you isn’t feeling it.

Tip 3: Set ground rules.

Would you prefer the third to be a stranger or a close friend? If you're looking for a stranger, you can find people on Archer who are open to couples by checking their "Open to" profile details. You can also put in your "Open to" field whether you're looking for singles or couples, or open to both. Are you allowed to have penetrative sex with the third, or, for your first time, would you feel more comfortable just doing hand and mouth stuff? Are you using condoms? Are you allowed to kiss the third? Can he sleep over after? Who’s going to be the bottom?

If you think you’re going to get railed by the third and your boyfriend gets the third’s dick the entire night, you’re not going to be thrilled! So, discuss these things prior.

Tip 4: Let the third know your ground rules.

Often, the couple forgets that the third person is actually, well, a person. You want him to have a comfortable and pleasurable time, too. He’s not just a prop for you to have your way with. So you need to communicate your boundaries to him and see if he has any boundaries. Also, ask if he has any sexual desires that you two can fulfill. (Maybe he wants to get DP-ed? From personal experience, I can say it’s pretty incredible DP-ing a bottom with your boyfriend.)

Tip 5: Inform the third that it’s your first threesome as a couple.

Don’t try to pretend you’re more experienced than you are. It’s beneficial to let the third know that this is your first time sleeping with someone else as a unit. As someone who loves being the third, I will change my behavior depending on if this is the couple’s first threesome or their hundredth. If they have experience, I won’t worry about checking in nearly as much. I’m just going to do my thing, get my holes filled, bust a nut. But if it’s the couple’s first time, I will check in more to see how everyone feels. I’m also going to make sure I give each partner equal attention (which is something I’m less concerned about when sleeping with threesome veterans).

Tip 6: Don’t forget your partner during the threesome.

When you’ve been having sex with the same man for months (or years), you can get very excited when a sexy hunk finds his way into your bedroom. But don’t forget to include your partner. Otherwise, he will have a terrible time and never want to have a threesome again. (Remember, if this goes well, you will likely have many more threesomes in your future—so play the long game!)

Tip 7: Sometimes, you’re not as sexually involved (and that’s okay)!

Your boyfriend may be bottoming for the third—really just taking it. (Good for him!) Don’t immediately try to insert yourself (no pun intended). Let them have their moment and embrace your voyeuristic side. It’s live porn right in front of your eyes featuring your boyfriend. Then, once some time has passed, you can jump back in.

Tip 8: It’s not just about penetration.

You can still be involved in the scene even when you’re not topping or bottoming. You can kiss, stroke, or suck. You can also play with your partner’s nipples or hook your fingers in his mouth while he's getting plowed. You can smack a butt or two. The options are endless! Just remember the golden rule of communication and consent, and make sure everyone involved is comfortable—which brings us to the next tip.

Tip 9: Remember, you can stop at any point.

As I mentioned in the introduction, unexpected feelings may arise. You may have been super gung-ho about the experience beforehand, but when play actually goes down, you realize you don’t like it one bit. That’s fine!

First, I would encourage you to take a deep breath. If negative feelings arise because you’re feeling rejected, try to include yourself more in the scene. But if that doesn’t work, or you’re feeling overwhelmed, say, “Hey guys, I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling this, so we’re going to have to stop.”

Will it be slightly awkward? Maybe. But you did communicate to the third that this was your first threesome, so it won’t come as a huge shocker to him. You also told your partner prior that either of you could stop the threesome at any time for any reason, so again, it’s not a surprise.

Also, your partner can stop at any point—and the same with your third. Make sure that everyone is continuing to check in, and if anyone wants to stop, the threesome is over. Most important is that everyone involved actually wants to be involved and is enjoying themselves.

Tip 10: Check in with your partner afterward.

When the scene is done, and you’ve all had your fun, make sure you check in with your partner. How are they feeling? Is there anything they need? Then, not immediately after, but at some point soon after, you can ask about their experience. What did they like? What didn’t they like? Could you do anything to make them have a more pleasurable experience next time? Does he even want to do this again? And make sure to ask yourself the same questions and share the answers with your partner.